Sex Before Marriage: What’s The Big Deal?

 

Sex Before Marriage: What's The Big Deal? | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

You grew up in church. You gave your life to Christ at a very early age. I was seven.

At the basic level, you knew being a Christian meant being “good.” You were taught to respect your elders. To obey your parents. To do what your teachers told you to do.

Just as you’d learned being disrespectful was wrong, you also learned sex before marriage was wrong. Not necessarily because someone explained it to you, but because “momma said so.” You knew that being disrespectful resulted in a whooping, but what about the consequence of sex? Pregnancy?

Sex was always the big elephant in the room – nobody talked about it. It was a subject your parents avoided like Walmart on Black Friday. Moreover, you never even heard a sermon about sex.

Diets and Sex

When you start a diet, you’re given rules to follow. Eat more vegetables. Eat more protein. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Eliminate junk food. Avoid eating past 8pm.

You’re absolutely miserable when dieting. You crave the crunchy chips, the chocolatey candy bars, creamy ice cream, and good ole fried chicken. Although giving up your indulgences ain’t fun, you buckle down and press in. You know you’ll reap a reward if you hang in there.

The idea of wearing your favorite pair of jeans again, or the thought of the number on the scale decreasing, fuels you. You’re determined. You’ll do whatever it takes for the sweet reward of being snatched dot com!

Just as you reap the rewards of dieting, you also reap rewards of being obedient to God by waiting until marriage to have sex. Keep reading, I’ll explain more.

Everybody Else Is Doing It

All of your friends are having sex. They seem to be enjoying it. None of them fell dead or went up in flames. So, what’s the big deal?

Sin is fun. Dr.Tony Evans said, “If sin ain’t fun, you committing the wrong sin!” #oookkkkaaayyy

You’ve read the scriptures: sexual immortality is an act of the flesh, sexual immortality has no place among God’s people, and sexual immortality is against your own body

I’ve read it all before, bobbing your head, and singing to the tune of Sunshine Anderson’s, Heard It All Before. Don’t worry, I won’t preach to you. Instead , I’ll spill the tea on my own, very personal experiences. #beentheredonethat

My Story

I had sex before marriage. Like you, at the time I didn’t see the harm in it. But, sin has consequences. While you might not reap the consequences immediately, you will eventually reap ‘em.

My husband and I made a commitment to God, and each other, to wait until we were married to have sex. I know God was pleased with our obedience but I still carried around the guilt from my past, B.C. (Before Chris).

We were showered with gifts from all of our loved ones. I reached the pinnacle of what most girls dream, become a wife. To most, Chris and I had it all BUT in the back of mind, there was one gift I couldn’t give him – the gift of an unopened box. Because I made a decision to have sex before him, before marriage, I would never be able to give that to him. Oh how I longed to give that to him. Tears were streaming down my face. What should’ve been one of the happiest moments in my life, guilt and shame washed over me.

God Forgives

Scripture says you’re made in the image of God. But so often, you create God in your own image. You’re still holding a grudge against a friend who betrayed you in high school so how in the world could God, in all is majesty, forget your sins? **Newsflash** God ain’t like you! Can we just praise Him for not being like you? … I’ll wait!

I don’t understand it either, but you don’t have to understand it to receive it. Your job is to just receive it by faith.

I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. Isaiah 43:25 NIV

God chooses not to remember your sin. I made a choice not to wallow in the shame. I chose to accept God’s forgiveness. It’s available to you too.

Call To Action

Don’t allow guilt and shame from the enemy to keep you from experiencing God’s best!

Just because you’ve committed the sin of sex before marriage doesn’t mean you must continue. You can stop right now. Today. God desires your heart. He desires for you to choose Him. Over your flesh. Over your man. Over everything. Will you honor God with your body?

~Ta-Ta For Now, Teacups


As always, thanks so much for reading. You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

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Living Together Before Marriage: What’s The Big Deal?

Living Together Before Marriage: What's The Big Deal? | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

You know it’s wrong. You’re confused. You don’t know what to do. But really girlfriend, you know what to do; you just don’t have the courage to do it. Is that tea too hot?

Living together before marriage is wrong. On paper, the pros are just too good to pass up.

Save more money… Down payment on a house. Money for the wedding.

Shared household expenses… There’s no need in both of us paying rent, lights, and cable. Am I right?

Front row seat into the real him… You know that they say, you don’t know a person ‘til you live with ‘em.

Sex… Endless accessibility? Sign me up!

We’re planning to get married anyway. It’s not that big of a deal.

SISTAH, ARE THESE YOUR THOUGHTS???

Yes, you love the Lord. Yes, you trust Him. Yes, you believe He’s good. Yes, you believe He wants what’s best for you. Driving to work, listening to K-LOVE, you belt out the lyrics to Lauren Daigle’s song:

“….
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good

….

I will trust in You

I will trust in You”

But, There’s A Disconnect 

A disconnect between what you say and what you do. You trust the Lord but you still take matters into your own hands.

What if God has something better in store for you? What if the solution for paying off your credit card debt or the solution to saving more money has absolutely nothing to do with a man? What if God wants to be the man in your life?

You’ve missed out on a lot of  blessings because you insist on doing things your way. Using your logic. Using your reasoning. Using your wisdom.

God would never condone sin in order for you to reap a blessing. There’s a better way. The question is, “Will you trust Him for the better way?

Love is greater than fear. Don’t let the fear of the future cause you run ahead of God. If the two of you are meant to be, God will bring you together – in His timing.

Put Him,Ya Man, On The Alter

You’ve heard the story of Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac before; howeva, you don’t quite understand how it applies to you. What in the world does sacrificing a son have to do with you? You don’t even have kids.

Here’s what the scripture says:

After all this, God tested Abraham. God said, “Abraham!”

“Yes?” answered Abraham. “I’m listening.”

 He said, “Take your dear son Isaac whom you love and go to the land of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains that I’ll point out to you.”

They arrived at the place to which God had directed him. Abraham built an altar. He laid out the wood. Then he tied up Isaac and laid him on the wood. Abraham reached out and took the knife to kill his son.

 Just then an angel of God called to him out of Heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Yes, I’m listening.”

 “Don’t lay a hand on that boy! Don’t touch him! Now I know how fearlessly you fear God; you didn’t hesitate to place your son, your dear son, on the altar for me.” Genesis 22:1-2, 9-12 MSG

Just as God tested Abraham, could it be He’s testing you too? You don’t have a son of whom you love dearly but you have a man. A man whom you love so much, you’re willing to dishonor God for. You’re willing to choose him over God.

Do you really want to know if this man is God’s plan for your life? Put him on the altar. After all, what’s the big rush? Do what honors God. If it goes up in flames, it wasn’t meant to be.

Who will you choose? Your man, or God? Declare it in the comments below.

~Ta-Ta For Now, Teacups


As always, thanks so much for reading. You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

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5 Things You Must Do After A Break-up

5 Things You Must Do After A Break-up | www.teawithiffanyp

 

Why me?

We’ve all been there. One. Two. Or, maybe what seems to be like a hundred times before! Another break-up.

What did I do? How did I handle it? A few days ago, I was blessed with an opportunity to speak life into a friend who’s in the midst of a break-up. After hanging up the phone, I reflected over my past break-ups.

Break-ups are hard! They’re emotionally draining. You know he’s not the one but that doesn’t make it easier. You can’t sleep. You dwell and share the story over and over again with all your girlfriends. In the midst of telling my break-up story for the hundredth time, I thought, “I should just record myself. Send it to my girlfriends and tell ’em, ‘Listen to this and then call me!’” Chile, even telling the story was draining my energy! Ha!

When does the pain stop? When will the broken pieces of your heart become whole again? While I don’t know the exact time, or place, I know for certain the pain will end and your heart will be restored. You WILL love again! Until then, here are a few things you must do after a break-up:

#1 Surrender to God

The enemy has convinced you, in spite of all his lying and cheating, you made a mistake. You’ve seen pictures of he and his new boo and now all of a sudden, you think you’re missing out. According to you, “they look so happy.” Now you’re tempting to go begging and pleading. DON’T!!

No good thing will the Lord withhold from you. You must take God at His word. You’ve prayed and asked God to show you if he’s the one. How will He ever show you if you keep interfering? Have several seats boo-boo!

For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.
 Psalm 84:11

#2 End ALL Communication

Stop accepting his phone calls! Listen, you’ve been with this man forever. He should’ve said everything he needed to say before “forever” ended. Like, what is there to talk about? The more you allow him access to your heart, the longer it’ll take for your heart to heal. #accessdenied

#3 Clean House

That picture on your nightstand. The junk, yes junk, he left at your house. The bracelet he brought you. Throw it out! On second thought, maybe you should keep the bracelet. Ha! But for realz, you need to put that stuff away. If you’re not ready to completely throw it away, I understand; HOWEVER, it should not be visible. The first thing you see when you wake up, and the last thing you see before going to bed should not be a picture of him. MmmmmKKKKK!

#4 Perform Social Media Housekeeping

Stop stalking his social media accounts. Stop stalking his new boo’s account. If you don’t want to unfriend his family, at least unfollow them. When y’all broke up. You broke up with the family too. #buhbye

#5 Change Your Environment

Attend the same church? Find a new one. Live in the same apartment complex? Move. Work at the same job? Quit. Run girlfriend! You ain’t runnin’ from him, you’re sprintin into your future.

I wanna hear whatchu gotta say, girl. Drop your tips below, a sista out there needs help!


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Dating Tip #5: Choose To Wait

Dating Tip #5: Choose To Wait | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

 

Welcome to week 5 of the Dating Tip Series. If you’re just joining us, no need to fret. You can catch up by clicking the links for Tip #1 , Tip #2 , Tip #3, and Tip #4.


The Wait – How Long?

2 Weeks? 30 days? 60 days? 90 days?

In Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, Steve Harvey touts a 90-day no sex rule. While I’m sure Mr. Harvey has valid reasons for this rule, don’t mistake it for truth. God’s word is TRUTH.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

The Bible doesn’t say wait 30 days, 60 days, or 90 days. It clear states to run from sexual sin.

So, what is sexual sin? Sexual sin is any sexual act outside marriage:

Phone Sex,

Masturbation,

Oral Sex,

Pornography,

Lust,

and countless others.

According to Bible, the only book that truly matters, you should wait until you’re married.

Why Should You Wait?

Your body is sacred. Your body is a temple. Just like any loving Father, God gives us guidelines. Those guidelines are meant to protect us. Not zap all the fun out of life. Think about it. How many of your sexual relationships ended in marriage? Heart break? Alone?

Having sex outside of marriage can make one blinded by lust.

You’re Worth It

For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son… John 3:16

God gave. He sacrificed His one, and only son for you. I’m not a mother; however, I couldn’t imagine giving up my child for a bunch of ungrateful people. Let me ask you. What has the man you’re sleeping with given up for you? A burger? A movie ticket? Some flimsy flowers?

In the spirit of Iyanla Vanzant, Beloved, you’re worth so much more than that! Your body was bought with the blood of Christ. Don’t compromise your soul for a few minutes of passion.

My Story

I had sex before marriage too. 👀 When I finally surrendered my way. The world’s way. God sent my husband. My husband and I made a promise to God, and ourselves, to abstain from sex until marriage. It was the most magical courtship I ever experienced. Was it easy? Nope! Remember, in your weakness, God becomes your strength. Was it worth it? Yauuuussss!!!

God doesn’t have favorites. He will redeem your story too. It doesn’t matter matter what you’ve done. I dare you to trust Him. To obey Him.

I invite you to read Kay King’s story here. I was hooked after reading the first sentence. She’s so raw and transparent. Our messages are so so similar. Like me, she came to know her worth.  Whatever you’ve done, and I do mean whatever, Jesus died for that TOO! Shame and guilt are not from God. Be encouraged. Be blessed. Allow God to author your best-seller. <3


Reflect & Respond:

Have you sinned against God and your body? Have you asked for forgiveness? If you need prayer, I would love to pray with you. Shoot me an email, teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Additional Resources:

The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love (Amazon affiliate link)


Thank you for following the Dating Tip Series. Next Wednesday we’ll begin a new series. If there’s a topic you’re interested in, email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Dating Tip #5: Choose To Wait | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Dating Tip #4: Seek God First

Dating Tip #4: Seek God First | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

Welcome to week 4 of the Dating Tip Series. If you’re just joining us, no need to fret. You can catch up by clicking the links for Tip #1 , Tip #2 , and Tip #3.


When a new man comes into your life, have you ever paused to pray? Have you ever asked God, “Should I talk to this man? Go on a date with him?” Have you ever pounced only to find out later, you should’ve bounced? Both of my hands are raised!

When I entered relationships, it was never about God. Nor was it about His desires for me. It was all about me and what Tiffany wanted. I hear Mya’s song featuring Dru Hill playing my head, “It’s all about me, me, me…” If it seemed right, I was all in.

There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death. Proverbs 14:12

The path that seems right can end in death. The death of a relationship you so desperately keep trying to give CPR.

Are You Tired Yet?

Are you tired of circling the same mountain? Tired of:

Falling for married men?

Falling for men who aren’t ready for a commitment?

Falling for men who are immature?

Falling for men who don’t have any goals in life? Dreams, or ambition?

Falling for men who hit you?

Falling for men who hit the bottle more than time-clock?

Why, oh why do you keep circling this same mountain? Especially when you have an ALL-KNOWING God a breath away?

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Psalm 32:8

God was the last place I ran for guidance. I called my mom, my sister, my friends… I talked to the lady at the hair salon, at the nail shop, at work… Never seeking God when He promises to instruct and teach me which way to go. For the second time, I found myself calling off an engagement. For the second time, I’d spent years in a relationship that didn’t end in marriage.

After my FIRST phone conversation with my HUZZZZBAND, I prayed. I’d never done this before. In previous relationships, I prayed desperation prayers. You know. The prayers you pray AFTER you’re in too deep. The prayers that go something like this: “Lord, please don’t let me be pregnant. Please make him stop cheating on me. Please make him choose me over his wife.” #sideeye #lipsmack

My Bold Prayer

I prayed, “If this man isn’t my husband, remove him, ASAP! If he is, show me.” I didn’t have any more time to waste!

I gotta be honest. It’s scary praying a prayer like that! I thought, What if God takes him away? I didn’t really know him but I enjoyed our conversation. I had a desire to know him better; however, if it wasn’t God’s will, I was prepared to throw the deuces! #peace Are willing to do the same?

Seeking God first made all the difference in the world. As I looked back over my past relationships, it was the one, MOST IMPORTANT thing I failed to do. When I stopped quoting God’s word and became obedient to God’s word, everything changed.


Prayer:

Most gracious God. Ruler of both heaven and earth. Thank you for being patient with us. We confess that we have been disobedient. We come to you now asking for forgiveness. Forgive us for taking matters into our own hands. We realize you’re good at being God. You don’t need our help. Father, give us a desire to seek you first. When we take our eyes off you and we’re tempted to forge our own paths, prick our hearts. Direct us back to You. Make us sensitive to your leading. Empower us to be obedient to you. We trust that your plan is better than anything we can create on our own. We love you Lord. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.


Reflect & Respond:

Have you failed to seek God before entering a relationship? What was the outcome? Would seeking God first save you some heartache down the road? What can you do to ensure you seek God first next time? Spill the tea in the comments below or email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.


Check back next Wednesday for Tip #5, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Dating Tip #4: Seek God First | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Dating Tip #3: Check Under The Hood

Check Under The Hood | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

Hey girlfriend! It’s week 3 of the Dating Tip series. Thank you so much for meeting me here each week. I pray you’re blessed; moreover, I pray God speaks to you individually through this series. If you’re just joining us, click the links for Tip #1 and Tip #2 to catch up.


What qualities do you want in a man?

Swag?

Tall?

Fine?

Nice body?

Teeth on point?

Nice Complexion?

Sistahs, stop checkin’ for his swag and check under the hood!

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

I have a hard time picking a sweet watermelon. I lean more towards the pretty watermelons. You know. The watermelons without dirt and discoloration. I place my pretty watermelon in my shopping cart and wait with anticipation to cut it open. When I bring the watermelon home, cut it open, and taste it. It’s not sweet. Don’t be the girl who brings home an bad watermelon (man), just because it (he) looks pretty. To avoid this, keep reading.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who’s physically attractive; however, scripture cautions us about looking at the outward appearance. In 1 Samuel 16, the Lord sends Samuel to anoint the next king of Israel. Saul, the first king of Israel, looked the part. 1 Samuel 9:2 states, Saul was the most handsome man in Israel – head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land. Although he looked the part, we soon learn, he wasn’t all that and a bag of Doritos (which are my fav #lickingmyfingersofthecheeseresidue.)

What if the #1 quality you seek is a man after God’s own heart?

Prior to my relationship with God, T.B.C. (Tiffany Before Christ), I fell victim to the outward appearances. Lemme just tell ya, looking for swag had me looking real crazy! What good is a man who looks good if he hits you? Looks good but disrespects you? Looks good but doesn’t support you? Looks good but cheats on you? Just because a man looks good, doesn’t mean he’s good for you!

A man after God’s own heart isn’t a perfect man. King David wasn’t perfect. Like you and I, he made mistakes. Even in making those mistakes, David was a man who admitted his sin, repented, and changed his ways. He didn’t keep committing the same sin over and over again. If your heart is truly after God, there should be receipts. A receipt for obedience to God’s word, patience, humility, kindness, self-control, slow to anger – to name a few. Where are his receipts?


Reflect & Respond:

Have you ever chosen a man because he looks good? Have you ever considered his heart? Let me hear it. Spill the tea in the comments below or email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.


Check back next Wednesday for Tip #4, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Check Under The Hood | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Dating Tip #2: Jesus Saves, Not You

Jesus Saves, Not You | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

Real quick, if you missed the first tip, you can read it here. Now let’s jump into the second tip.


Have you ever tried to save a man? You know like, come to his rescue when he’s struggling? For example,

Your man doesn’t have a cell phone. You add him to your plan.

Your man doesn’t have a place of his own. You move him into yours.

Your man doesn’t have a job. You find him a job AND complete the job application.

Your man doesn’t have enough money to take you to dinner. You pay for it.

Your man doesn’t have a car. You give him yours.

Your man doesn’t go to church. You drag him to yours. … God can make him stop cheating on you, right? 

Superwoman! Please rip that cape off!


Jesus Saves, Not You!

“for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11

It’s not your responsibility to save him. There’s only one Savior, Christ the Lord. Lanes are made for separation, stay in yours!

My Personal Story

After graduating college, I was offered a full-time position in Colorado. At the time, I was dating a man who was struggling to find his place in life. Together we decided it would be a great idea for him to move to Colorado as well. Thank God for grace and mercy! In my short-sighted, limited thinking, Colorado was a bigger city with better opportunities for him. I threw on my lil cape, swooped him up, and off to Colorado we flew.

This was definitely not one of my best decisions in life. Like you, I’m imperfect. I didn’t/don’t do everything right, but God is merciful. He redeemed my story. God was/is faithful through it all. Even when I was a hot mess dot com, He patiently waited for me to get my WHOLE life. With tears in my eyes, I know if He did it for me, He’ll do the same for you! His blessings aren’t simply for those who do everything right.

God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:30-31

I boast in the Lord! Why? Because His blessings have nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him! You see, Christ makes you right with God. He makes you pure and holy. Christ saves you. Christ saves him too. With no help from you.


Reflect & Respond:

So, have you ever tried to save a man, or are you currently holding his life vest?

Don’t leave me out here by myself! Tell me your story in the comments below, or shoot me an email at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.


Check back next Wednesday for Tip #3, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

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Dating Tip #1: Examine His Fruit

Examine His Fruit | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

 

He says…

I love you but he cheats on you.

I love you but he’s very disrespectful to you.

I love but his homeboys, partying and drinking always come first.

I love you but he’s a magician and plays disappearing acts.

I love you but he hits you.

I love you but he’s controlling and jealous.

I love but he doesn’t claim you.

I love you but he never spends time with  you.

I love you but he won’t be seen in public with you.

Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a significant disconnect between what your man says and what he does? If so, you’re in good company. While good company is good, it’s not enough. At some point, we’ve gotta move from gossiping girlfriend’s to life changing solutions. And girlfriend, do I have a solution for you!


The Solution

EXAMINE HIS FRUIT.

A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thorn bushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. Luke 6:44

Just like a tree, your man is known by the fruit he bears.

Galatians 5:19 lists the fruit produced when the Holy Spirit is absent, “When we follow the desires of our sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immortality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outburst of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these…”

Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruit produced when the Holy Spirit is present, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…”

I dated a guy who was very, extremely, <insert ALLLLLLLLL the adjectives here> unfaithful. It was very obvious the Holy Spirit was doormat in his life. Too bad I didn’t know a thing about the Holy Spirit then. No matter how many tears I cried, the outcome was still the same – continued unfaithfulness. Ladies, it doesn’t matter how many times he apologizes and promises to never <insert his lie here> again, without the active presence of the Holy Spirit in his life, it’s only a matter of time before he does IT again. The Holy Spirit empowers us to do what’s right; otherwise, we continually fall victim to our fleshly desires.

If you’re a godly wife in waiting, a woman who’s waiting on God to send her a husband, stop wasting precious time wishing, hoping, and praying his fruit will change. Don’t allow the enemy make you doubt what you know to be true. I’m reminded of the question posed to Eve in the garden, “Did God really say?” If you’ve ever thought, “It’s not that bad. He only cheated once. He apologized…“, RUN! Don’t allow any man to treat you like an extra when you’re the leading actress, mmmK!


Reflect & Respond:

Consider for a moment the men you’ve dated, or the man you’re currently dating, what fruit was/is he producing? Does his fruit demonstrate the Holy Spirit’s presence or absence?

What about you? Are you producing the same fruit you desire him to produce? Ladies, we’re not off the hook. We own some of the responsibility too.

Sound off in the comments below or shoot me an email, teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!


Check back next Wednesday for Tip #2, or Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

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Is He The One? 4 Questions To Ask Yourself

Is He The One | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

I called off my wedding. It was two months prior to my big day. The date was set, bridesmaids chosen, venue booked, and wedding dress ordered… I just couldn’t do it. I’d dated this man for years. It made sense that the next step would be marriage but I had doubts. I knew something was missing but I couldn’t put my finger on it. After a brief (11 months), courtship with my now husband, I couldn’t help but consider what was so different this time around. How is it that I could date one man for years, have doubts. Date another man for 11 months and have zero doubts?

Perhaps you’re like me. You’ve been dating a man for years but deep down in your soul you know there must be something more. Something better. You’re not 100% convinced he’s the one but you’re comfortable. Change seems just to scary to bear. You’re toying with the idea of settling. You’re slowly beginning to accept the idea. You try and comfort yourself, “It’ll get better after marriage.”

I knew what “wrong” felt like. It was marked by uneasiness. In my gut, I knew something was missing. At the time, I just didn’t know what “right” felt like. After meeting my amazing husband, the pieces of the puzzles became extremely clear. I can confidently say, you know when it’s wrong, and you know when it’s right. If you haven’t reached a place of certainty, perhaps you need to pump the brakes. In pumping the brakes, you may discover, just as I did, the missing pieces of the puzzle.

Can I just be honest with you for a second? I started writing this blog post about a month ago. I just couldn’t finish it. I struggled with being vulnerable. With being so transparent. What would y’all think? After all, I’m sharing a lot of my personal business.  For the past two days, the Holy Spirit has been prompting me to finish. Honestly, I have no idea why. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s for you. Perhaps you need to know you’re not alone. Perhaps you need the confirmation to let go. Perhaps He’s using me to confirm what He’s already spoken to your heart. Know this, God can be trusted. He’s a good, good Father. He’s leading you along the best pathway for your life.

As I reflect back over my many years of dating, God taught me some very valuable lessons. Naked and exposed. I’m sharing ’em with you… So, is he the one? I can’t answer that. Only God can. What I can offer are thought provoking questions to consider while making the decision. After answering these questions, it may become evident, or it may not. Either way, go to the Father. He’s awaiting your arrival.


4 Questions To Consider:

Does he know God or “know of “Him?

John 2:3, “And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.” To know God is to obey Him. There are many temptations in life. There will always be another woman who’s prettier, smarter, more fit, has bigger hips… If a man truly knows God, He’ll be more inclined to do right by you. He won’t leave you guessing. He won’t play games with your heart. He won’t play disappearing acts. He won’t be here today and gone tomorrow. You won’t be inclined to check his phone. To stalk his social media pages. My dear sisters, you’ll never be able to watch a man 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your presence is limited; however, God is omnipresent. He’s everywhere at the same time. Knowing your potential mate is being held accountable to a higher power brings a level of comfort. I’m not saying this man will be perfect, because He won’t. You and I aren’t either. I’m simply saying, obedience to God doesn’t lead to sin.

Does he pray with you?

James 5:16, “…The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. I was 33 years old and had been engaged twice before I ever had a man (outside of deacons or pastors) pray aloud with me. I was in relationships where I was told praying was happening but I never saw it. I won’t say they didn’t do it. I can only attest to what I saw. Anyway, I was on the phone with Chris, who wasn’t my husband at the time, for the very first time. Prior to hanging up the phone from an enlightening conversation, he asked, “Can I pray with you? Is there anything you’d like me to pray about?” Wayment! What? I was taken aback. Like alllllllll the way back! I was totally blindsided on that one. Jesus had jokes that night. Something stumbled out of my mouth like, “Ummmmm, pray that God gives me wisdom for my business.” #offguard When Chris prayed, I observed the ease of the words flowing from his mouth. Prayer wasn’t something he learned to do before he called me that night. He was comfortable. His tone was relaxed. He’d been here, at God’s feet, before. It was comforting to know I could count on him to pray for our family, if there ever was to be one.

Will he wait for you?

Ephesians 5:27, “He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. Sisters, lemme just tell ya! Closing your legs will weed ’em out faster than you can blink your eye! I have an image in my mind of roaches scattering when the lights come on. I’m not saying he’s a roach but he might scadadle. #peaceoout A man who’s willing to deny his flesh to honor you and God, is a very special man. True love, as found in John 3:16, is sacrificial. It requires giving something up. Sacrificing the pleasure of his flesh, may be an indication he desires a future beyond the bed with you. More  importantly, he may just be in love with God.

Is God orchestrating the relationship or are you?

“If he calls me back tonight, we’re meant to be together.” We have a tendency to play these juvenile mind games with our lives. You know he’s going to call you back but you skip away erroneously interpreting this as confirmation. I tried to help God in past relationships. I even shacked with a man for 3 years! I believed it was my only option if we were to ever be together. I took matters into my own hands. Fast forward 7 years, I was living in Colorado. Chris lived in Alabama. How in the world was this going to work? I vowed to God I wouldn’t put my pretty, lil hands in it! If Chris was my husband, He would need to be the gentleman and open all the doors for us. If He didn’t, they wouldn’t open. In my eyes, all the doors were nailed shut!! God blew our minds in so many ways! I must share this one story with  you; otherwise, we’d be here all day! Soooooooo (smacks lips), a month after Chris and I met, we hopped on a plane to St. Louis and ate lunch at Sweet Pie’s. On our way back home, the same day, there were some delays and the airline was seeking volunteers to give up their seats. We didn’t have anywhere to be so we volunteered. Long story short, we each received a $1000 voucher. Chris and I had both volunteered before but neither of us received that much money! God opened the door for us to see each other, on Him!! We flew to a different city every month until we were married. Chris spent the last of his voucher when he flew to Denver to drive me back to Alabama to be his wife. Ladies, ladies, ladies… If it’s meant to be, it’ll flow. You won’t be required to chase him. In fact, God will send him to chase you!!


I’m not a relationship counselor, nor do I profess to be. I’m simply sharing from my own experiences. It’s my offering to God. It’s my obedience. As I sit here practically terrified (I’m revealing so much of myself). I trust that He will be glorified. I pray this post blesses you in some way. If it does, I’d truly be encouraged if you left me a comment, or emailed me at teawithtiffanyp@gmaill.com. I would really love to hear from you.

And this tea ain’t caffeine free!,

-Sipping Tea with Tiffany P.

Resources: (Contains Amazon affiliate links)

The Meaning Of Marriage

The Wait

Your Knight In Shinning Armor

Waiting and Dating

4 Stages That Take Place When You Fall For A Counterfeit

“8:02 Gametime” | Perfect Purity Story? #Fail

Thank you for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

 

Is He The One | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Our Engagement Story

On Chris’ birthday, we got all dressed up for a fancy steak dinner in downtown Detroit. The views from our table were spectacular. On the 72nd floor of a hotel, the restaurant overlooked the Detroit River. Directly across the river was a view of Canada. Watching the sunset that evening was breathtaking. God, in all His majesty, created the perfect backdrop for what would soon become the start of something new.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

While staring contently out the window, in awe of the scenery, Chris interrupted my thoughts. He said, “I have something for you.” I thought, “It’s his birthday? Why in the world does he have something for me?”

He pulled an envelope from his backpack and excitedly handed it to me. I skeptically opened the envelope and removed its contents. I slowly unfolded the paper to find an employee discount card inside. Sarcastically, I mumbled, “thank you”.

Shortly afterwards, he said, “I have another surprise for you?” I thought, “What is it this time?” Needless to say, I was over his interruptions during my perfectly planned birthday dinner!!

For the second time, he reached into his little backpack of “surprises”. This time he pulled out a dissertation – a seven page, handwritten letter addressed to yours truly. Not quite a dissertation, but too many pages nonetheless. Ha!

The number seven in the Bible represents divine perfection, totality, or completion.

Me: “Am I suppose to read this now?”

Chris: “Yes.”

Me: “Like, right now??”

Chris: “Move over there. To the other side. Directly in front of me. I want to watch you read it.”

Me: Silently thinking, “This is weird!”

TBC, Tiffany Before Christ, wouldn’t have been reading nobody’s seven page nothing, MmmmK! Ain’t nobody got time for that! #boybye

While reading the letter, my eyes began to swell with tears. It was a trip down memory lane. It recapped the special moments we’d shared since our first phone conversation only seven months prior! He recalled our first date at Pappadeaux’s. I call it a date. He calls it a meeting. #whatever, and so many other things. Our courtship thus far had truly been a whirlwind.

When I finished the letter, I looked up. Our eyes met. Though I’d looked into his eyes several times before, this time was different. This time, God gave me a glimpse inside his soul.

Chris: “I have one last surprise for you.”

Me: Again, silently thinking, “What else does this man have in that bag?!?!”

Chris: “Close your eyes. I’ll tell you when to open ’em.”

Me: Still clueless, “Sure. Whatever!”

Chris: “Open ’em”

He was down on one knee. Nervously, he began to speak, “I couldn’t think of a better birthday gift than to have you as my wife. Will you marry me?” #newthing #completion

Me: In between the screams of excitement and shock, “YES!”

My Testimony

You may be thinking, “Good for you. What does this have to do with me?” Before you roll your eyes and exit the screen, gimme a minute. You see, I’d been down this road before. I’d already been engaged twice (I’ll share more about that later).  Neither of which ended in a trip down the aisle. This was my third, and God willing, final engagement. I’m far from perfect. I’ll be the first to admit, I didn’t do everything right. In fact, I did WHOLE LOT wrong. But God, He loves us too much to leave us the way He finds us, or better stated, the way we find Him. #praisebreak

I shared this story for two reasons.

  1. Brag on God: God’s the hero. He’s been so good to me. He’s been faithful to me, even when I was unfaithful Him. Listen to me, if God removes something, or someone, from your life, it’s for your good. He has something so much better in store for you. Trust Him.  It’s true, Father knows best.
  2. Encourage you. God is gracious. I don’t deserve to be married to the most amazing, supportive, handsome, loving, caring (OK, I’ll stop with the adjectives. Ha!) man, BUT God loved me enough to make it so. There’s nothing special about me. He did it for me, He’ll do it for you.

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. Psalm 103:10

Thank you for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

 

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