Is He The One? 4 Questions To Ask Yourself

Is He The One | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

I called off my wedding. It was two months prior to my big day. The date was set, bridesmaids chosen, venue booked, and wedding dress ordered… I just couldn’t do it. I’d dated this man for years. It made sense that the next step would be marriage but I had doubts. I knew something was missing but I couldn’t put my finger on it. After a brief (11 months), courtship with my now husband, I couldn’t help but consider what was so different this time around. How is it that I could date one man for years, have doubts. Date another man for 11 months and have zero doubts?

Perhaps you’re like me. You’ve been dating a man for years but deep down in your soul you know there must be something more. Something better. You’re not 100% convinced he’s the one but you’re comfortable. Change seems just to scary to bear. You’re toying with the idea of settling. You’re slowly beginning to accept the idea. You try and comfort yourself, “It’ll get better after marriage.”

I knew what “wrong” felt like. It was marked by uneasiness. In my gut, I knew something was missing. At the time, I just didn’t know what “right” felt like. After meeting my amazing husband, the pieces of the puzzles became extremely clear. I can confidently say, you know when it’s wrong, and you know when it’s right. If you haven’t reached a place of certainty, perhaps you need to pump the brakes. In pumping the brakes, you may discover, just as I did, the missing pieces of the puzzle.

Can I just be honest with you for a second? I started writing this blog post about a month ago. I just couldn’t finish it. I struggled with being vulnerable. With being so transparent. What would y’all think? After all, I’m sharing a lot of my personal business.  For the past two days, the Holy Spirit has been prompting me to finish. Honestly, I have no idea why. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s for you. Perhaps you need to know you’re not alone. Perhaps you need the confirmation to let go. Perhaps He’s using me to confirm what He’s already spoken to your heart. Know this, God can be trusted. He’s a good, good Father. He’s leading you along the best pathway for your life.

As I reflect back over my many years of dating, God taught me some very valuable lessons. Naked and exposed. I’m sharing ’em with you… So, is he the one? I can’t answer that. Only God can. What I can offer are thought provoking questions to consider while making the decision. After answering these questions, it may become evident, or it may not. Either way, go to the Father. He’s awaiting your arrival.


4 Questions To Consider:

Does he know God or “know of “Him?

John 2:3, “And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.” To know God is to obey Him. There are many temptations in life. There will always be another woman who’s prettier, smarter, more fit, has bigger hips… If a man truly knows God, He’ll be more inclined to do right by you. He won’t leave you guessing. He won’t play games with your heart. He won’t play disappearing acts. He won’t be here today and gone tomorrow. You won’t be inclined to check his phone. To stalk his social media pages. My dear sisters, you’ll never be able to watch a man 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your presence is limited; however, God is omnipresent. He’s everywhere at the same time. Knowing your potential mate is being held accountable to a higher power brings a level of comfort. I’m not saying this man will be perfect, because He won’t. You and I aren’t either. I’m simply saying, obedience to God doesn’t lead to sin.

Does he pray with you?

James 5:16, “…The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. I was 33 years old and had been engaged twice before I ever had a man (outside of deacons or pastors) pray aloud with me. I was in relationships where I was told praying was happening but I never saw it. I won’t say they didn’t do it. I can only attest to what I saw. Anyway, I was on the phone with Chris, who wasn’t my husband at the time, for the very first time. Prior to hanging up the phone from an enlightening conversation, he asked, “Can I pray with you? Is there anything you’d like me to pray about?” Wayment! What? I was taken aback. Like alllllllll the way back! I was totally blindsided on that one. Jesus had jokes that night. Something stumbled out of my mouth like, “Ummmmm, pray that God gives me wisdom for my business.” #offguard When Chris prayed, I observed the ease of the words flowing from his mouth. Prayer wasn’t something he learned to do before he called me that night. He was comfortable. His tone was relaxed. He’d been here, at God’s feet, before. It was comforting to know I could count on him to pray for our family, if there ever was to be one.

Will he wait for you?

Ephesians 5:27, “He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. Sisters, lemme just tell ya! Closing your legs will weed ’em out faster than you can blink your eye! I have an image in my mind of roaches scattering when the lights come on. I’m not saying he’s a roach but he might scadadle. #peaceoout A man who’s willing to deny his flesh to honor you and God, is a very special man. True love, as found in John 3:16, is sacrificial. It requires giving something up. Sacrificing the pleasure of his flesh, may be an indication he desires a future beyond the bed with you. More  importantly, he may just be in love with God.

Is God orchestrating the relationship or are you?

“If he calls me back tonight, we’re meant to be together.” We have a tendency to play these juvenile mind games with our lives. You know he’s going to call you back but you skip away erroneously interpreting this as confirmation. I tried to help God in past relationships. I even shacked with a man for 3 years! I believed it was my only option if we were to ever be together. I took matters into my own hands. Fast forward 7 years, I was living in Colorado. Chris lived in Alabama. How in the world was this going to work? I vowed to God I wouldn’t put my pretty, lil hands in it! If Chris was my husband, He would need to be the gentleman and open all the doors for us. If He didn’t, they wouldn’t open. In my eyes, all the doors were nailed shut!! God blew our minds in so many ways! I must share this one story with  you; otherwise, we’d be here all day! Soooooooo (smacks lips), a month after Chris and I met, we hopped on a plane to St. Louis and ate lunch at Sweet Pie’s. On our way back home, the same day, there were some delays and the airline was seeking volunteers to give up their seats. We didn’t have anywhere to be so we volunteered. Long story short, we each received a $1000 voucher. Chris and I had both volunteered before but neither of us received that much money! God opened the door for us to see each other, on Him!! We flew to a different city every month until we were married. Chris spent the last of his voucher when he flew to Denver to drive me back to Alabama to be his wife. Ladies, ladies, ladies… If it’s meant to be, it’ll flow. You won’t be required to chase him. In fact, God will send him to chase you!!


I’m not a relationship counselor, nor do I profess to be. I’m simply sharing from my own experiences. It’s my offering to God. It’s my obedience. As I sit here practically terrified (I’m revealing so much of myself). I trust that He will be glorified. I pray this post blesses you in some way. If it does, I’d truly be encouraged if you left me a comment, or emailed me at teawithtiffanyp@gmaill.com. I would really love to hear from you.

And this tea ain’t caffeine free!,

-Sipping Tea with Tiffany P.

Resources: (Contains Amazon affiliate links)

The Meaning Of Marriage

The Wait

Your Knight In Shinning Armor

Waiting and Dating

4 Stages That Take Place When You Fall For A Counterfeit

“8:02 Gametime” | Perfect Purity Story? #Fail

Thank you for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

 

Is He The One | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Our Engagement Story

Chris and I met in Detroit for the weekend to celebrate his birthday. On this particular day, I made a dinner reservation for the two of us at Coach Insignia. Coach Insignia was a fancy steakhouse located on the 72nd floor of the Renaissance Center in downtown Detroit. The views from the restaurant were spectacular. It overlooked the Detroit River. From our seat, we could see Canada directly across the river. Watching the sunset that evening was breathtaking. It was romantic to say the least.

As we were eating dinner, Chris says, “I have something for you.” I’m thinking, “What in the world does this man have for me? It’s his birthday? Why does he have something for me?” He pulls an envelope from his bag. I open the envelope and it’s a Gap discount card. I said, “Thank you.” #sideeye

Shortly afterwards, he says, “I have another surprise for you? I said, “What is it this time, the garage door opener?”(This was inside joke.) He proceeds to pull a book from his bag. OK, it really wasn’t a book but close enough. It was a 7 page letter. Yes, you read that correctly, S-E-V-E-N, SEVEN, pages!

Me: “Do you want me to read this now?”

Chris: “Yes.”

Me: “Like, right now??”

Chris: “Sit directly in front of me so I can watch you read it.”

Me: Silently thinking, “This is weird!”

I must say, God prepared me for this moment. TBC, Tiffany Before Christ, wouldn’t have been sitting there reading nobody’s 7 page letter, OK! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Boy bye!

As I was reading the letter, my eyes began to swell with tears. The letter was a trip down memory lane. It recapped the special moments we’d shared since our first phone conversation only 7 months and one day prior! Side note: As I’m sitting here in bed typing this, the number 7, throughout this post, really stands out to me. It’s the number of completion. God was completing our courtship.

After I finished reading the letter, I looked up at Chris. Our eyes met. It was as if I could see inside his soul. It was a special, intimate connection. I’ll never forget that moment. I thanked him for the letter and told him how much I appreciated him taking the time to write it.

As we were finishing up dessert, he told me there was one last surprise for me. I’m thinking, “What else does this man have in that bag?!?!” LOL! He instructs me to close my eyes and he’d tell me when to open ’em. I’m thinking, “Sure. Whatever!” About a minute later he says, “You can open them now.”

I opened my eyes to find him down on one knee. Nervously, he began to speak. He said, “I couldn’t think of a better birthday gift than to have you as my wife. Will you marry me? #lifechanged

After I screamed a few times in disbelief and shock, I finally said YES.

You may be thinking, “Good for you. What does this have to do with me?” Before you roll your eyes and exit the screen, gimme a minute. You see, I’d been down this road before. Prior to this, I’d been engaged twice (I’ll share more about that later). This was my third, and God willing, final engagement. I didn’t share this to brag about me. About how good I’ve been or how much I deserve a good man. I’ll be the first to admit, I didn’t do everything right. In fact, I did WHOLE LOT wrong. But God… He redeems all y’all. #praisebreak

Here’s the thing. I shared this story for two reasons.

  1. Brag on God: God’s my hero. He saved me from myself. He’s been so good to me. In fact, He was faithful even when I was unfaithful. Listen to me, if God removes someone from your life, let ’em go. He has something so much better in store for you. Trust Him. I’m a living testimony. I’m SO, SO, SO thankful He didn’t give me what I thought I wanted. Not because I’m good, but because He’s good. It’s true, Father knows best.
  2. Encourage you. God is gracious. I don’t deserve to be married to the most amazing, supportive, handsome, loving, caring (OK, I’ll stop with the adjectives. Ha!) man, BUT God loved me enough to make it so. There’s nothing special about me. He did it for me, He’ll do it for you.

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. Psalm 103:10

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3 Things You Must Do Before Your Next Relationship

Chris and I are celebrating our 7 month anniversary today. “We got engaged within 7 months of dating and we’ll be celebrating our 7 month anniversary in a few days. Can you believe that?” is what I asked Chris. Actually, we’ve been married longer than we were engaged – that’s a discussion for another day! Anyway, it made me think about what was so different this time around.

Prior to Chris, I’d been engaged twice. Yep, Chris was my third engagement. As I reflected on the differences, I was inspired to share my lessons learned. Before I do that, I would like to impart some words of wisdom to you. If you’re currently in a relationship, or engaged to be married, and you’re having reservations, it’s possibly time to move on.  When neither of my previous engagements ended in marriage, I was embarrassed. I was concerned about what other people would think. Would they think something was wrong with me? Would they think I’m a failure? The truth is, the people you’re concerned about will be off living their lives and you’ll be miserable. Do what’s best for you. Sometimes, it takes more strength to walk away than to stay.

Based on my lessons learned, the advice I have for you is:

  1. Pray FIRST. You may be thinking, duh! But, here me out. In my previous relationships, I never sought God, first. I sought His guidance about a lot of things but never who I should date. It never even crossed my mind. Interestingly, I ran straight to Him when things were going south. At times, even praying for Him to deliver me. I’m so thankful God didn’t say, “You’ve been doing your own thing. Now you want my help? Chile bye!” What about you? Is your experience similar to mine or do you seek God before entertaining a relationship?
  2. Set Boundaries. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” We start playing the role of a wife long before get the title, wife. Then we wonder why things aren’t working out. God sets an order for a reason. When we step outside of that order, we get into trouble. Before Chris and I started dating we established a set of boundaries. If you don’t set boundaries early, you find yourself at a point of no return. Yes, 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us God won’t allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. That when we’re tempted, He’ll provide a way out but the way out starts long before “Netfix and chill.” If you allow him to come over after dark and nobody is home, and won’t be home for hours, what do you expect God to do? Come down and sit on your lap? Sit on your hands? Wire your mouth shut? C’mon nigh! Don’t be foolish!
  3. Surrender to God. In the past, I took matters into my own hands. For example, after I graduated from college, I was offered a job in Colorado. In my mind, it made sense that the guy I was dating would come too. Who wants a long distance relationship? Clearly, I didn’t pray first, nor did I set boundaries. Had I sought God’s word on the matter, I would’ve known this was wrong because it contradicted His word. The first night I talked to Chris on the phone, I was smitten. He was different from any man I’d ever encountered. He seemed to be all that and a bag of chips but as soon as I hung up the phone, I prayed this prayer: Lord, if this man is not my husband, remove him from my life. Period. I’d wasted enough time. As our relationship progressed, we continued to surrender. Over and over again, God showed us His faithfulness. We dated long distance until we got married. Most of that time, I was in Colorado while he was in Alabama. God orchestrated it all. I didn’t do a thing! Oftentimes, we don’t see God move in our lives because we’re too busy taking matters into our own hands. Is God carrying your relationship, or are you?

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