Welcome to week 5 of the Dating Tip Series. If you’re just joining us, no need to fret. You can catch up by clicking the links for Tip #1 , Tip #2 , Tip #3, and Tip #4.

The Wait – How Long?

2 Weeks? 30 days? 60 days? 90 days?

In Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, Steve Harvey touts a 90-day no sex rule. While I’m sure Mr. Harvey has valid reasons for this rule, don’t mistake it for truth. God’s word is TRUTH.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

The Bible doesn’t say wait 30 days, 60 days, or 90 days. It clear states to run from sexual sin.

So, what is sexual sin? Sexual sin is any sexual act outside marriage:

Phone Sex,

Masturbation,

Oral Sex,

Pornography,

Lust,

and countless others.

According to Bible, the only book that truly matters, you should wait until you’re married.

Why Should You Wait?

Your body is sacred. Your body is a temple. Just like any loving Father, God gives us guidelines. Those guidelines are meant to protect us. Not zap all the fun out of life. Think about it. How many of your sexual relationships ended in marriage? Heart break? Alone?

Having sex outside of marriage can make one blinded by lust.

You’re Worth It

For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son… John 3:16

God gave. He sacrificed His one, and only son for you. I’m not a mother; however, I couldn’t imagine giving up my child for a bunch of ungrateful people. Let me ask you. What has the man you’re sleeping with given up for you? A burger? A movie ticket? Some flimsy flowers?

In the spirit of Iyanla Vanzant, Beloved, you’re worth so much more than that! Your body was bought with the blood of Christ. Don’t compromise your soul for a few minutes of passion.

My Story

I had sex before marriage too. 👀 When I finally surrendered my way. The world’s way. God sent my husband. My husband and I made a promise to God, and ourselves, to abstain from sex until marriage. It was the most magical courtship I ever experienced. Was it easy? Nope! Remember, in your weakness, God becomes your strength. Was it worth it? Yauuuussss!!!

God doesn’t have favorites. He will redeem your story too. It doesn’t matter matter what you’ve done. I dare you to trust Him. To obey Him.

I invite you to read Kay King’s story here. I was hooked after reading the first sentence. She’s so raw and transparent. Our messages are so so similar. Like me, she came to know her worth.  Whatever you’ve done, and I do mean whatever, Jesus died for that TOO! Shame and guilt are not from God. Be encouraged. Be blessed. Allow God to author your best-seller. <3

Reflect & Respond:

Have you sinned against God and your body? Have you asked for forgiveness? If you need prayer, I would love to pray with you. Shoot me an email, teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Additional Resources:

The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love (Amazon affiliate link)

Thank you for following the Dating Tip Series. Next Wednesday we’ll begin a new series. If there’s a topic you’re interested in, email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.

Welcome to week 4 of the Dating Tip Series. If you’re just joining us, no need to fret. You can catch up by clicking the links for Tip #1 , Tip #2 , and Tip #3.

When a new man comes into your life, have you ever paused to pray? Have you ever asked God, “Should I talk to this man? Go on a date with him?” Have you ever pounced only to find out later, you should’ve bounced? Both of my hands are raised!

When I entered relationships, it was never about God. Nor was it about His desires for me. It was all about me and what Tiffany wanted. I hear Mya’s song featuring Dru Hill playing my head, “It’s all about me, me, me…” If it seemed right, I was all in.

There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death. Proverbs 14:12

The path that seems right can end in death. The death of a relationship you so desperately keep trying to give CPR.

Are You Tired Yet?

Are you tired of circling the same mountain? Tired of:

Falling for married men?

Falling for men who aren’t ready for a commitment?

Falling for men who are immature?

Falling for men who don’t have any goals in life? Dreams, or ambition?

Falling for men who hit you?

Falling for men who hit the bottle more than time-clock?

Why, oh why do you keep circling this same mountain? Especially when you have an ALL-KNOWING God a breath away?

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Psalm 32:8

God was the last place I ran for guidance. I called my mom, my sister, my friends… I talked to the lady at the hair salon, at the nail shop, at work… Never seeking God when He promises to instruct and teach me which way to go. For the second time, I found myself calling off an engagement. For the second time, I’d spent years in a relationship that didn’t end in marriage.

After my FIRST phone conversation with my HUZZZZBAND, I prayed. I’d never done this before. In previous relationships, I prayed desperation prayers. You know. The prayers you pray AFTER you’re in too deep. The prayers that go something like this: “Lord, please don’t let me be pregnant. Please make him stop cheating on me. Please make him choose me over his wife.” #sideeye #lipsmack

My Bold Prayer

I prayed, “If this man isn’t my husband, remove him, ASAP! If he is, show me.” I didn’t have any more time to waste!

I gotta be honest. It’s scary praying a prayer like that! I thought, What if God takes him away? I didn’t really know him but I enjoyed our conversation. I had a desire to know him better; however, if it wasn’t God’s will, I was prepared to throw the deuces! #peace Are willing to do the same?

Seeking God first made all the difference in the world. As I looked back over my past relationships, it was the one, MOST IMPORTANT thing I failed to do. When I stopped quoting God’s word and became obedient to God’s word, everything changed.

Prayer:

Most gracious God. Ruler of both heaven and earth. Thank you for being patient with us. We confess that we have been disobedient. We come to you now asking for forgiveness. Forgive us for taking matters into our own hands. We realize you’re good at being God. You don’t need our help. Father, give us a desire to seek you first. When we take our eyes off you and we’re tempted to forge our own paths, prick our hearts. Direct us back to You. Make us sensitive to your leading. Empower us to be obedient to you. We trust that your plan is better than anything we can create on our own. We love you Lord. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Reflect & Respond:

Have you failed to seek God before entering a relationship? What was the outcome? Would seeking God first save you some heartache down the road? What can you do to ensure you seek God first next time? Spill the tea in the comments below or email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Check back next Wednesday for Tip #5, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.

Hey girlfriend! It’s week 3 of the Dating Tip series. Thank you so much for meeting me here each week. I pray you’re blessed; moreover, I pray God speaks to you individually through this series. If you’re just joining us, click the links for Tip #1 and Tip #2 to catch up.

What qualities do you want in a man?

Swag?

Tall?

Fine?

Nice body?

Teeth on point?

Nice Complexion?

Sistahs, stop checkin’ for his swag and check under the hood!

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

I have a hard time picking a sweet watermelon. I lean more towards the pretty watermelons. You know. The watermelons without dirt and discoloration. I place my pretty watermelon in my shopping cart and wait with anticipation to cut it open. When I bring the watermelon home, cut it open, and taste it. It’s not sweet. Don’t be the girl who brings home an bad watermelon (man), just because it (he) looks pretty. To avoid this, keep reading.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who’s physically attractive; however, scripture cautions us about looking at the outward appearance. In 1 Samuel 16, the Lord sends Samuel to anoint the next king of Israel. Saul, the first king of Israel, looked the part. 1 Samuel 9:2 states, Saul was the most handsome man in Israel – head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land. Although he looked the part, we soon learn, he wasn’t all that and a bag of Doritos (which are my fav #lickingmyfingersofthecheeseresidue.)

What if the #1 quality you seek is a man after God’s own heart?

Prior to my relationship with God, T.B.C. (Tiffany Before Christ), I fell victim to the outward appearances. Lemme just tell ya, looking for swag had me looking real crazy! What good is a man who looks good if he hits you? Looks good but disrespects you? Looks good but doesn’t support you? Looks good but cheats on you? Just because a man looks good, doesn’t mean he’s good for you!

A man after God’s own heart isn’t a perfect man. King David wasn’t perfect. Like you and I, he made mistakes. Even in making those mistakes, David was a man who admitted his sin, repented, and changed his ways. He didn’t keep committing the same sin over and over again. If your heart is truly after God, there should be receipts. A receipt for obedience to God’s word, patience, humility, kindness, self-control, slow to anger – to name a few. Where are his receipts?

Reflect & Respond:

Have you ever chosen a man because he looks good? Have you ever considered his heart? Let me hear it. Spill the tea in the comments below or email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Check back next Wednesday for Tip #4, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.

Real quick, if you missed the first tip, you can read it here. Now let’s jump into the second tip.

Have you ever tried to save a man? You know like, come to his rescue when he’s struggling? For example,

Your man doesn’t have a cell phone. You add him to your plan.

Your man doesn’t have a place of his own. You move him into yours.

Your man doesn’t have a job. You find him a job AND complete the job application.

Your man doesn’t have enough money to take you to dinner. You pay for it.

Your man doesn’t have a car. You give him yours.

Your man doesn’t go to church. You drag him to yours. … God can make him stop cheating on you, right? 

Superwoman! Please rip that cape off!

Jesus Saves, Not You!

“for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11

It’s not your responsibility to save him. There’s only one Savior, Christ the Lord. Lanes are made for separation, stay in yours!

My Personal Story

After graduating college, I was offered a full-time position in Colorado. At the time, I was dating a man who was struggling to find his place in life. Together we decided it would be a great idea for him to move to Colorado as well. Thank God for grace and mercy! In my short-sighted, limited thinking, Colorado was a bigger city with better opportunities for him. I threw on my lil cape, swooped him up, and off to Colorado we flew.

This was definitely not one of my best decisions in life. Like you, I’m imperfect. I didn’t/don’t do everything right, but God is merciful. He redeemed my story. God was/is faithful through it all. Even when I was a hot mess dot com, He patiently waited for me to get my WHOLE life. With tears in my eyes, I know if He did it for me, He’ll do the same for you! His blessings aren’t simply for those who do everything right.

God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:30-31

I boast in the Lord! Why? Because His blessings have nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him! You see, Christ makes you right with God. He makes you pure and holy. Christ saves you. Christ saves him too. With no help from you.

Reflect & Respond:

So, have you ever tried to save a man, or are you currently holding his life vest?

Don’t leave me out here by myself! Tell me your story in the comments below, or shoot me an email at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Check back next Wednesday for Tip #3, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.

He says…

I love you but he cheats on you.

I love you but he’s very disrespectful to you.

I love but his homeboys, partying and drinking always come first.

I love you but he’s a magician and plays disappearing acts.

I love you but he hits you.

I love you but he’s controlling and jealous.

I love but he doesn’t claim you.

I love you but he never spends time with  you.

I love you but he won’t be seen in public with you.

Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a significant disconnect between what your man says and what he does? If so, you’re in good company. While good company is good, it’s not enough. At some point, we’ve gotta move from gossiping girlfriend’s to life changing solutions. And girlfriend, do I have a solution for you!

The Solution

EXAMINE HIS FRUIT.

A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thorn bushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. Luke 6:44

Just like a tree, your man is known by the fruit he bears.

Galatians 5:19 lists the fruit produced when the Holy Spirit is absent, “When we follow the desires of our sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immortality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outburst of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these…”

Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruit produced when the Holy Spirit is present, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…”

I dated a guy who was very, extremely, <insert ALLLLLLLLL the adjectives here> unfaithful. It was very obvious the Holy Spirit was doormat in his life. Too bad I didn’t know a thing about the Holy Spirit then. No matter how many tears I cried, the outcome was still the same – continued unfaithfulness. Ladies, it doesn’t matter how many times he apologizes and promises to never <insert his lie here> again, without the active presence of the Holy Spirit in his life, it’s only a matter of time before he does IT again. The Holy Spirit empowers us to do what’s right; otherwise, we continually fall victim to our fleshly desires.

If you’re a godly wife in waiting, a woman who’s waiting on God to send her a husband, stop wasting precious time wishing, hoping, and praying his fruit will change. Don’t allow the enemy make you doubt what you know to be true. I’m reminded of the question posed to Eve in the garden, “Did God really say?” If you’ve ever thought, “It’s not that bad. He only cheated once. He apologized…“, RUN! Don’t allow any man to treat you like an extra when you’re the leading actress, mmmK!

Reflect & Respond:

Consider for a moment the men you’ve dated, or the man you’re currently dating, what fruit was/is he producing? Does his fruit demonstrate the Holy Spirit’s presence or absence?

What about you? Are you producing the same fruit you desire him to produce? Ladies, we’re not off the hook. We own some of the responsibility too.

Sound off in the comments below or shoot me an email, teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

Check back next Wednesday for Tip #2, or Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.