Dating Tip #5: Choose To Wait

Dating Tip #5: Choose To Wait | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

 

Welcome to week 5 of the Dating Tip Series. If you’re just joining us, no need to fret. You can catch up by clicking the links for Tip #1 , Tip #2 , Tip #3, and Tip #4.


The Wait – How Long?

2 Weeks? 30 days? 60 days? 90 days?

In Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, Steve Harvey touts a 90-day no sex rule. While I’m sure Mr. Harvey has valid reasons for this rule, don’t mistake it for truth. God’s word is TRUTH.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

The Bible doesn’t say wait 30 days, 60 days, or 90 days. It clear states to run from sexual sin.

So, what is sexual sin? Sexual sin is any sexual act outside marriage:

Phone Sex,

Masturbation,

Oral Sex,

Pornography,

Lust,

and countless others.

According to Bible, the only book that truly matters, you should wait until you’re married.

Why Should You Wait?

Your body is sacred. Your body is a temple. Just like any loving Father, God gives us guidelines. Those guidelines are meant to protect us. Not zap all the fun out of life. Think about it. How many of your sexual relationships ended in marriage? Heart break? Alone?

Having sex outside of marriage can make one blinded by lust.

You’re Worth It

For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son… John 3:16

God gave. He sacrificed His one, and only son for you. I’m not a mother; however, I couldn’t imagine giving up my child for a bunch of ungrateful people. Let me ask you. What has the man you’re sleeping with given up for you? A burger? A movie ticket? Some flimsy flowers?

In the spirit of Iyanla Vanzant, Beloved, you’re worth so much more than that! Your body was bought with the blood of Christ. Don’t compromise your soul for a few minutes of passion.

My Story

I had sex before marriage too. 👀 When I finally surrendered my way. The world’s way. God sent my husband. My husband and I made a promise to God, and ourselves, to abstain from sex until marriage. It was the most magical courtship I ever experienced. Was it easy? Nope! Remember, in your weakness, God becomes your strength. Was it worth it? Yauuuussss!!!

God doesn’t have favorites. He will redeem your story too. It doesn’t matter matter what you’ve done. I dare you to trust Him. To obey Him.

I invite you to read Kay King’s story here. I was hooked after reading the first sentence. She’s so raw and transparent. Our messages are so so similar. Like me, she came to know her worth.  Whatever you’ve done, and I do mean whatever, Jesus died for that TOO! Shame and guilt are not from God. Be encouraged. Be blessed. Allow God to author your best-seller. <3


Reflect & Respond:

Have you sinned against God and your body? Have you asked for forgiveness? If you need prayer, I would love to pray with you. Shoot me an email, teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Additional Resources:

The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love (Amazon affiliate link)


Thank you for following the Dating Tip Series. Next Wednesday we’ll begin a new series. If there’s a topic you’re interested in, email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Dating Tip #5: Choose To Wait | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Dating Tip #4: Seek God First

Dating Tip #4: Seek God First | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

Welcome to week 4 of the Dating Tip Series. If you’re just joining us, no need to fret. You can catch up by clicking the links for Tip #1 , Tip #2 , and Tip #3.


When a new man comes into your life, have you ever paused to pray? Have you ever asked God, “Should I talk to this man? Go on a date with him?” Have you ever pounced only to find out later, you should’ve bounced? Both of my hands are raised!

When I entered relationships, it was never about God. Nor was it about His desires for me. It was all about me and what Tiffany wanted. I hear Mya’s song featuring Dru Hill playing my head, “It’s all about me, me, me…” If it seemed right, I was all in.

There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death. Proverbs 14:12

The path that seems right can end in death. The death of a relationship you so desperately keep trying to give CPR.

Are You Tired Yet?

Are you tired of circling the same mountain? Tired of:

Falling for married men?

Falling for men who aren’t ready for a commitment?

Falling for men who are immature?

Falling for men who don’t have any goals in life? Dreams, or ambition?

Falling for men who hit you?

Falling for men who hit the bottle more than time-clock?

Why, oh why do you keep circling this same mountain? Especially when you have an ALL-KNOWING God a breath away?

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Psalm 32:8

God was the last place I ran for guidance. I called my mom, my sister, my friends… I talked to the lady at the hair salon, at the nail shop, at work… Never seeking God when He promises to instruct and teach me which way to go. For the second time, I found myself calling off an engagement. For the second time, I’d spent years in a relationship that didn’t end in marriage.

After my FIRST phone conversation with my HUZZZZBAND, I prayed. I’d never done this before. In previous relationships, I prayed desperation prayers. You know. The prayers you pray AFTER you’re in too deep. The prayers that go something like this: “Lord, please don’t let me be pregnant. Please make him stop cheating on me. Please make him choose me over his wife.” #sideeye #lipsmack

My Bold Prayer

I prayed, “If this man isn’t my husband, remove him, ASAP! If he is, show me.” I didn’t have any more time to waste!

I gotta be honest. It’s scary praying a prayer like that! I thought, What if God takes him away? I didn’t really know him but I enjoyed our conversation. I had a desire to know him better; however, if it wasn’t God’s will, I was prepared to throw the deuces! #peace Are willing to do the same?

Seeking God first made all the difference in the world. As I looked back over my past relationships, it was the one, MOST IMPORTANT thing I failed to do. When I stopped quoting God’s word and became obedient to God’s word, everything changed.


Prayer:

Most gracious God. Ruler of both heaven and earth. Thank you for being patient with us. We confess that we have been disobedient. We come to you now asking for forgiveness. Forgive us for taking matters into our own hands. We realize you’re good at being God. You don’t need our help. Father, give us a desire to seek you first. When we take our eyes off you and we’re tempted to forge our own paths, prick our hearts. Direct us back to You. Make us sensitive to your leading. Empower us to be obedient to you. We trust that your plan is better than anything we can create on our own. We love you Lord. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.


Reflect & Respond:

Have you failed to seek God before entering a relationship? What was the outcome? Would seeking God first save you some heartache down the road? What can you do to ensure you seek God first next time? Spill the tea in the comments below or email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.


Check back next Wednesday for Tip #5, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Dating Tip #4: Seek God First | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Dating Tip #3: Check Under The Hood

Check Under The Hood | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

Hey girlfriend! It’s week 3 of the Dating Tip series. Thank you so much for meeting me here each week. I pray you’re blessed; moreover, I pray God speaks to you individually through this series. If you’re just joining us, click the links for Tip #1 and Tip #2 to catch up.


What qualities do you want in a man?

Swag?

Tall?

Fine?

Nice body?

Teeth on point?

Nice Complexion?

Sistahs, stop checkin’ for his swag and check under the hood!

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

I have a hard time picking a sweet watermelon. I lean more towards the pretty watermelons. You know. The watermelons without dirt and discoloration. I place my pretty watermelon in my shopping cart and wait with anticipation to cut it open. When I bring the watermelon home, cut it open, and taste it. It’s not sweet. Don’t be the girl who brings home an bad watermelon (man), just because it (he) looks pretty. To avoid this, keep reading.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who’s physically attractive; however, scripture cautions us about looking at the outward appearance. In 1 Samuel 16, the Lord sends Samuel to anoint the next king of Israel. Saul, the first king of Israel, looked the part. 1 Samuel 9:2 states, Saul was the most handsome man in Israel – head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land. Although he looked the part, we soon learn, he wasn’t all that and a bag of Doritos (which are my fav #lickingmyfingersofthecheeseresidue.)

What if the #1 quality you seek is a man after God’s own heart?

Prior to my relationship with God, T.B.C. (Tiffany Before Christ), I fell victim to the outward appearances. Lemme just tell ya, looking for swag had me looking real crazy! What good is a man who looks good if he hits you? Looks good but disrespects you? Looks good but doesn’t support you? Looks good but cheats on you? Just because a man looks good, doesn’t mean he’s good for you!

A man after God’s own heart isn’t a perfect man. King David wasn’t perfect. Like you and I, he made mistakes. Even in making those mistakes, David was a man who admitted his sin, repented, and changed his ways. He didn’t keep committing the same sin over and over again. If your heart is truly after God, there should be receipts. A receipt for obedience to God’s word, patience, humility, kindness, self-control, slow to anger – to name a few. Where are his receipts?


Reflect & Respond:

Have you ever chosen a man because he looks good? Have you ever considered his heart? Let me hear it. Spill the tea in the comments below or email me at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.


Check back next Wednesday for Tip #4, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Check Under The Hood | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Dating Tip #2: Jesus Saves, Not You

Jesus Saves, Not You | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

Real quick, if you missed the first tip, you can read it here. Now let’s jump into the second tip.


Have you ever tried to save a man? You know like, come to his rescue when he’s struggling? For example,

Your man doesn’t have a cell phone. You add him to your plan.

Your man doesn’t have a place of his own. You move him into yours.

Your man doesn’t have a job. You find him a job AND complete the job application.

Your man doesn’t have enough money to take you to dinner. You pay for it.

Your man doesn’t have a car. You give him yours.

Your man doesn’t go to church. You drag him to yours. … God can make him stop cheating on you, right? 

Superwoman! Please rip that cape off!


Jesus Saves, Not You!

“for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11

It’s not your responsibility to save him. There’s only one Savior, Christ the Lord. Lanes are made for separation, stay in yours!

My Personal Story

After graduating college, I was offered a full-time position in Colorado. At the time, I was dating a man who was struggling to find his place in life. Together we decided it would be a great idea for him to move to Colorado as well. Thank God for grace and mercy! In my short-sighted, limited thinking, Colorado was a bigger city with better opportunities for him. I threw on my lil cape, swooped him up, and off to Colorado we flew.

This was definitely not one of my best decisions in life. Like you, I’m imperfect. I didn’t/don’t do everything right, but God is merciful. He redeemed my story. God was/is faithful through it all. Even when I was a hot mess dot com, He patiently waited for me to get my WHOLE life. With tears in my eyes, I know if He did it for me, He’ll do the same for you! His blessings aren’t simply for those who do everything right.

God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:30-31

I boast in the Lord! Why? Because His blessings have nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him! You see, Christ makes you right with God. He makes you pure and holy. Christ saves you. Christ saves him too. With no help from you.


Reflect & Respond:

So, have you ever tried to save a man, or are you currently holding his life vest?

Don’t leave me out here by myself! Tell me your story in the comments below, or shoot me an email at teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com.


Check back next Wednesday for Tip #3, and Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Jesus Saves, Not You | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Dating Tip #1: Examine His Fruit

Examine His Fruit | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

 

He says…

I love you but he cheats on you.

I love you but he’s very disrespectful to you.

I love but his homeboys, partying and drinking always come first.

I love you but he’s a magician and plays disappearing acts.

I love you but he hits you.

I love you but he’s controlling and jealous.

I love but he doesn’t claim you.

I love you but he never spends time with  you.

I love you but he won’t be seen in public with you.

Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a significant disconnect between what your man says and what he does? If so, you’re in good company. While good company is good, it’s not enough. At some point, we’ve gotta move from gossiping girlfriend’s to life changing solutions. And girlfriend, do I have a solution for you!


The Solution

EXAMINE HIS FRUIT.

A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thorn bushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. Luke 6:44

Just like a tree, your man is known by the fruit he bears.

Galatians 5:19 lists the fruit produced when the Holy Spirit is absent, “When we follow the desires of our sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immortality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outburst of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these…”

Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruit produced when the Holy Spirit is present, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…”

I dated a guy who was very, extremely, <insert ALLLLLLLLL the adjectives here> unfaithful. It was very obvious the Holy Spirit was doormat in his life. Too bad I didn’t know a thing about the Holy Spirit then. No matter how many tears I cried, the outcome was still the same – continued unfaithfulness. Ladies, it doesn’t matter how many times he apologizes and promises to never <insert his lie here> again, without the active presence of the Holy Spirit in his life, it’s only a matter of time before he does IT again. The Holy Spirit empowers us to do what’s right; otherwise, we continually fall victim to our fleshly desires.

If you’re a godly wife in waiting, a woman who’s waiting on God to send her a husband, stop wasting precious time wishing, hoping, and praying his fruit will change. Don’t allow the enemy make you doubt what you know to be true. I’m reminded of the question posed to Eve in the garden, “Did God really say?” If you’ve ever thought, “It’s not that bad. He only cheated once. He apologized…“, RUN! Don’t allow any man to treat you like an extra when you’re the leading actress, mmmK!


Reflect & Respond:

Consider for a moment the men you’ve dated, or the man you’re currently dating, what fruit was/is he producing? Does his fruit demonstrate the Holy Spirit’s presence or absence?

What about you? Are you producing the same fruit you desire him to produce? Ladies, we’re not off the hook. We own some of the responsibility too.

Sound off in the comments below or shoot me an email, teawithtiffanyp@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!


Check back next Wednesday for Tip #2, or Join the Tea Party to receive an email when the next tip drops.

Thanks for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Examine His Fruit | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Is He The One? 4 Questions To Ask Yourself

Is He The One | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

I called off my wedding. It was two months prior to my big day. The date was set, bridesmaids chosen, venue booked, and wedding dress ordered… I just couldn’t do it. I’d dated this man for years. It made sense that the next step would be marriage but I had doubts. I knew something was missing but I couldn’t put my finger on it. After a brief (11 months), courtship with my now husband, I couldn’t help but consider what was so different this time around. How is it that I could date one man for years, have doubts. Date another man for 11 months and have zero doubts?

Perhaps you’re like me. You’ve been dating a man for years but deep down in your soul you know there must be something more. Something better. You’re not 100% convinced he’s the one but you’re comfortable. Change seems just to scary to bear. You’re toying with the idea of settling. You’re slowly beginning to accept the idea. You try and comfort yourself, “It’ll get better after marriage.”

I knew what “wrong” felt like. It was marked by uneasiness. In my gut, I knew something was missing. At the time, I just didn’t know what “right” felt like. After meeting my amazing husband, the pieces of the puzzles became extremely clear. I can confidently say, you know when it’s wrong, and you know when it’s right. If you haven’t reached a place of certainty, perhaps you need to pump the brakes. In pumping the brakes, you may discover, just as I did, the missing pieces of the puzzle.

Can I just be honest with you for a second? I started writing this blog post about a month ago. I just couldn’t finish it. I struggled with being vulnerable. With being so transparent. What would y’all think? After all, I’m sharing a lot of my personal business.  For the past two days, the Holy Spirit has been prompting me to finish. Honestly, I have no idea why. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s for you. Perhaps you need to know you’re not alone. Perhaps you need the confirmation to let go. Perhaps He’s using me to confirm what He’s already spoken to your heart. Know this, God can be trusted. He’s a good, good Father. He’s leading you along the best pathway for your life.

As I reflect back over my many years of dating, God taught me some very valuable lessons. Naked and exposed. I’m sharing ’em with you… So, is he the one? I can’t answer that. Only God can. What I can offer are thought provoking questions to consider while making the decision. After answering these questions, it may become evident, or it may not. Either way, go to the Father. He’s awaiting your arrival.


4 Questions To Consider:

Does he know God or “know of “Him?

John 2:3, “And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.” To know God is to obey Him. There are many temptations in life. There will always be another woman who’s prettier, smarter, more fit, has bigger hips… If a man truly knows God, He’ll be more inclined to do right by you. He won’t leave you guessing. He won’t play games with your heart. He won’t play disappearing acts. He won’t be here today and gone tomorrow. You won’t be inclined to check his phone. To stalk his social media pages. My dear sisters, you’ll never be able to watch a man 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your presence is limited; however, God is omnipresent. He’s everywhere at the same time. Knowing your potential mate is being held accountable to a higher power brings a level of comfort. I’m not saying this man will be perfect, because He won’t. You and I aren’t either. I’m simply saying, obedience to God doesn’t lead to sin.

Does he pray with you?

James 5:16, “…The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. I was 33 years old and had been engaged twice before I ever had a man (outside of deacons or pastors) pray aloud with me. I was in relationships where I was told praying was happening but I never saw it. I won’t say they didn’t do it. I can only attest to what I saw. Anyway, I was on the phone with Chris, who wasn’t my husband at the time, for the very first time. Prior to hanging up the phone from an enlightening conversation, he asked, “Can I pray with you? Is there anything you’d like me to pray about?” Wayment! What? I was taken aback. Like alllllllll the way back! I was totally blindsided on that one. Jesus had jokes that night. Something stumbled out of my mouth like, “Ummmmm, pray that God gives me wisdom for my business.” #offguard When Chris prayed, I observed the ease of the words flowing from his mouth. Prayer wasn’t something he learned to do before he called me that night. He was comfortable. His tone was relaxed. He’d been here, at God’s feet, before. It was comforting to know I could count on him to pray for our family, if there ever was to be one.

Will he wait for you?

Ephesians 5:27, “He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. Sisters, lemme just tell ya! Closing your legs will weed ’em out faster than you can blink your eye! I have an image in my mind of roaches scattering when the lights come on. I’m not saying he’s a roach but he might scadadle. #peaceoout A man who’s willing to deny his flesh to honor you and God, is a very special man. True love, as found in John 3:16, is sacrificial. It requires giving something up. Sacrificing the pleasure of his flesh, may be an indication he desires a future beyond the bed with you. More  importantly, he may just be in love with God.

Is God orchestrating the relationship or are you?

“If he calls me back tonight, we’re meant to be together.” We have a tendency to play these juvenile mind games with our lives. You know he’s going to call you back but you skip away erroneously interpreting this as confirmation. I tried to help God in past relationships. I even shacked with a man for 3 years! I believed it was my only option if we were to ever be together. I took matters into my own hands. Fast forward 7 years, I was living in Colorado. Chris lived in Alabama. How in the world was this going to work? I vowed to God I wouldn’t put my pretty, lil hands in it! If Chris was my husband, He would need to be the gentleman and open all the doors for us. If He didn’t, they wouldn’t open. In my eyes, all the doors were nailed shut!! God blew our minds in so many ways! I must share this one story with  you; otherwise, we’d be here all day! Soooooooo (smacks lips), a month after Chris and I met, we hopped on a plane to St. Louis and ate lunch at Sweet Pie’s. On our way back home, the same day, there were some delays and the airline was seeking volunteers to give up their seats. We didn’t have anywhere to be so we volunteered. Long story short, we each received a $1000 voucher. Chris and I had both volunteered before but neither of us received that much money! God opened the door for us to see each other, on Him!! We flew to a different city every month until we were married. Chris spent the last of his voucher when he flew to Denver to drive me back to Alabama to be his wife. Ladies, ladies, ladies… If it’s meant to be, it’ll flow. You won’t be required to chase him. In fact, God will send him to chase you!!


I’m not a relationship counselor, nor do I profess to be. I’m simply sharing from my own experiences. It’s my offering to God. It’s my obedience. As I sit here practically terrified (I’m revealing so much of myself). I trust that He will be glorified. I pray this post blesses you in some way. If it does, I’d truly be encouraged if you left me a comment, or emailed me at teawithtiffanyp@gmaill.com. I would really love to hear from you.

And this tea ain’t caffeine free!,

-Sipping Tea with Tiffany P.

Resources: (Contains Amazon affiliate links)

The Meaning Of Marriage

The Wait

Your Knight In Shinning Armor

Waiting and Dating

4 Stages That Take Place When You Fall For A Counterfeit

“8:02 Gametime” | Perfect Purity Story? #Fail

Thank you for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

 

Is He The One | www.teawithtiffanyp.com

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Our Engagement Story

Chris and I met in Detroit for the weekend to celebrate his birthday. On this particular day, I made a dinner reservation for the two of us at Coach Insignia. Coach Insignia was a fancy steakhouse located on the 72nd floor of the Renaissance Center in downtown Detroit. The views from the restaurant were spectacular. It overlooked the Detroit River. From our seat, we could see Canada directly across the river. Watching the sunset that evening was breathtaking. It was romantic to say the least.

As we were eating dinner, Chris says, “I have something for you.” I’m thinking, “What in the world does this man have for me? It’s his birthday? Why does he have something for me?” He pulls an envelope from his bag. I open the envelope and it’s a Gap discount card. I said, “Thank you.” #sideeye

Shortly afterwards, he says, “I have another surprise for you? I said, “What is it this time, the garage door opener?”(This was inside joke.) He proceeds to pull a book from his bag. OK, it really wasn’t a book but close enough. It was a 7 page letter. Yes, you read that correctly, S-E-V-E-N, SEVEN, pages!

Me: “Do you want me to read this now?”

Chris: “Yes.”

Me: “Like, right now??”

Chris: “Sit directly in front of me so I can watch you read it.”

Me: Silently thinking, “This is weird!”

I must say, God prepared me for this moment. TBC, Tiffany Before Christ, wouldn’t have been sitting there reading nobody’s 7 page letter, OK! Ain’t nobody got time for that! Boy bye!

As I was reading the letter, my eyes began to swell with tears. The letter was a trip down memory lane. It recapped the special moments we’d shared since our first phone conversation only 7 months and one day prior! Side note: As I’m sitting here in bed typing this, the number 7, throughout this post, really stands out to me. It’s the number of completion. God was completing our courtship.

After I finished reading the letter, I looked up at Chris. Our eyes met. It was as if I could see inside his soul. It was a special, intimate connection. I’ll never forget that moment. I thanked him for the letter and told him how much I appreciated him taking the time to write it.

As we were finishing up dessert, he told me there was one last surprise for me. I’m thinking, “What else does this man have in that bag?!?!” LOL! He instructs me to close my eyes and he’d tell me when to open ’em. I’m thinking, “Sure. Whatever!” About a minute later he says, “You can open them now.”

I opened my eyes to find him down on one knee. Nervously, he began to speak. He said, “I couldn’t think of a better birthday gift than to have you as my wife. Will you marry me? #lifechanged

After I screamed a few times in disbelief and shock, I finally said YES.

You may be thinking, “Good for you. What does this have to do with me?” Before you roll your eyes and exit the screen, gimme a minute. You see, I’d been down this road before. Prior to this, I’d been engaged twice (I’ll share more about that later). This was my third, and God willing, final engagement. I didn’t share this to brag about me. About how good I’ve been or how much I deserve a good man. I’ll be the first to admit, I didn’t do everything right. In fact, I did WHOLE LOT wrong. But God… He redeems all y’all. #praisebreak

Here’s the thing. I shared this story for two reasons.

  1. Brag on God: God’s my hero. He saved me from myself. He’s been so good to me. In fact, He was faithful even when I was unfaithful. Listen to me, if God removes someone from your life, let ’em go. He has something so much better in store for you. Trust Him. I’m a living testimony. I’m SO, SO, SO thankful He didn’t give me what I thought I wanted. Not because I’m good, but because He’s good. It’s true, Father knows best.
  2. Encourage you. God is gracious. I don’t deserve to be married to the most amazing, supportive, handsome, loving, caring (OK, I’ll stop with the adjectives. Ha!) man, BUT God loved me enough to make it so. There’s nothing special about me. He did it for me, He’ll do it for you.

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. Psalm 103:10

Thank you for reading! You can find me online on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

 

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3 Things You Must Do Before Your Next Relationship

Chris and I are celebrating our 7 month anniversary today. “We got engaged within 7 months of dating and we’ll be celebrating our 7 month anniversary in a few days. Can you believe that?” is what I asked Chris. Actually, we’ve been married longer than we were engaged – that’s a discussion for another day! Anyway, it made me think about what was so different this time around.

Prior to Chris, I’d been engaged twice. Yep, Chris was my third engagement. As I reflected on the differences, I was inspired to share my lessons learned. Before I do that, I would like to impart some words of wisdom to you. If you’re currently in a relationship, or engaged to be married, and you’re having reservations, it’s possibly time to move on.  When neither of my previous engagements ended in marriage, I was embarrassed. I was concerned about what other people would think. Would they think something was wrong with me? Would they think I’m a failure? The truth is, the people you’re concerned about will be off living their lives and you’ll be miserable. Do what’s best for you. Sometimes, it takes more strength to walk away than to stay.

Based on my lessons learned, the advice I have for you is:

  1. Pray FIRST. You may be thinking, duh! But, here me out. In my previous relationships, I never sought God, first. I sought His guidance about a lot of things but never who I should date. It never even crossed my mind. Interestingly, I ran straight to Him when things were going south. At times, even praying for Him to deliver me. I’m so thankful God didn’t say, “You’ve been doing your own thing. Now you want my help? Chile bye!” What about you? Is your experience similar to mine or do you seek God before entertaining a relationship?
  2. Set Boundaries. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” We start playing the role of a wife long before get the title, wife. Then we wonder why things aren’t working out. God sets an order for a reason. When we step outside of that order, we get into trouble. Before Chris and I started dating we established a set of boundaries. If you don’t set boundaries early, you find yourself at a point of no return. Yes, 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us God won’t allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. That when we’re tempted, He’ll provide a way out but the way out starts long before “Netfix and chill.” If you allow him to come over after dark and nobody is home, and won’t be home for hours, what do you expect God to do? Come down and sit on your lap? Sit on your hands? Wire your mouth shut? C’mon nigh! Don’t be foolish!
  3. Surrender to God. In the past, I took matters into my own hands. For example, after I graduated from college, I was offered a job in Colorado. In my mind, it made sense that the guy I was dating would come too. Who wants a long distance relationship? Clearly, I didn’t pray first, nor did I set boundaries. Had I sought God’s word on the matter, I would’ve known this was wrong because it contradicted His word. The first night I talked to Chris on the phone, I was smitten. He was different from any man I’d ever encountered. He seemed to be all that and a bag of chips but as soon as I hung up the phone, I prayed this prayer: Lord, if this man is not my husband, remove him from my life. Period. I’d wasted enough time. As our relationship progressed, we continued to surrender. Over and over again, God showed us His faithfulness. We dated long distance until we got married. Most of that time, I was in Colorado while he was in Alabama. God orchestrated it all. I didn’t do a thing! Oftentimes, we don’t see God move in our lives because we’re too busy taking matters into our own hands. Is God carrying your relationship, or are you?

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