I had it all and I was miserable
On Sunday evenings, anxiety would build in my chest. My eyes would begin to swell with tears. I’d text a friend, “I don’t wanna go to work tomorrow!” When I first started working at this prestigious engineering company, I had dreams and aspirations of climbing the corporate ladder. I envisioned my picture on the wall, wearing a tailored Brooks Brothers black suit, with “VP of Engineering” underneath. I did everything I was told to do – obtained mentors, volunteered, worked long hours, signed up for additional assignments, made myself visible… I was on track, or so I thought.
The walls of my cubicle were closing in on me. I was bored, unfulfilled, miserable, and unhappy. On the outside, I was #slaying. I drove a BMW, made six figures, wore designer clothes, carried designer bags… But, I was hungry for something money couldn’t buy. I wanted peace and fulfillment. I had a burning desire to impact the lives of women outside of the walls that seemed to be closing in on me. I was wasting time. There were women out there waiting for me. Waiting to hear my testimony. Waiting to hear my words of encouragement. Waiting for me to share my truth. If only I were out there and not here.
God answered my prayers
The opportunity to quit my job and pursue my dreams fell in my lap. Shortly before marrying the man of my prayers, I quit my job. Now I have all the space and opportunity to do exactly what I want. I’m no longer confined to a desk all day. Nor do I have someone breathing down my neck about deadlines. I traded that for a hungry husband who walks in the door and says, “what’s for dinner?” But I digress. Where were we? Oh yeah… I’m able to be creative, set the tone for my day, and set my own hours. God has also granted me the opportunity to encourage women through this blog. Without being constrained to a bullpen all day, the possibilities are endless. You’d think I’d be off an running, right?
Why is it so hard to move forward?
Fear. It entraps me. You too? When I was sitting in that cubicle, I felt like superwoman. I was ready to break free and slay all the giants in my way. Have you ever asked God for something then when He gives it to you, you shrink back? That’s me. Right here. Right now. I wonder: Do I have what it takes? Am I good enough? Others are doing it so well, should I be doing something else? Maybe I should just go back to engineering…
Then they plotted among themselves, “Let’s choose a new leader and go back to Egypt! Numbers 14:4
We must move forward courageously
Just like the Israelites, I have contemplated going back to the same place I prayed, or better stated BEGGED, God to deliver me from. What’s your Egypt? What in your life is so comfortable that you’re willing to risk your destiny for it? For you it may not be a job, but perhaps it’s an old boyfriend or another toxic relationship.
A few days ago, my husband and I were leaving a wedding ceremony. We were holding hands while walking to the car. When my husband holds my hand, I feel empowered. I feel untouchable. Unstoppable. He makes me feel secure. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world… The next day I was standing in the mirror applying mascara. It’s as if God nudged me and said, “The same strength you feel walking hand in hand with your husband, I want you to feel that way with me. I’m always with you.” That’s good, right?
My dear sisters, God is with you. With Him you’re empowered. Untouchable. Unstoppable. Secure. The luckiest girl in the world! The next time the devil tries to intimidate you with fear, stick your chest out, lift your head high and be encouraged by what your daddy says:
This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8
//What’s one thing you’ve been afraid to do? Will you step out in faith and do it afraid? If so, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or via email, email@example.com
To make you feel more comfortable, I’ll go first. For years I’ve done a lot of talking and dreaming about creating workout videos that include God’s word. I’ve been sooooooooooooo scared to put myself out there. Me? On camera? Talking about Jesus? I’m no expert in the scriptures… A few weeks ago I recorded my first video. Lemme just say, it won’t win an Oscar for best picture! But, since we’re stepping out in faith and doing it afraid, what better time than the present? You can find the video here. Though totally imperfect, I pray it blesses you.