I called off my wedding. It was two months prior to my big day. The date was set, bridesmaids chosen, venue booked, and wedding dress ordered… I just couldn’t do it. I’d dated this man for years. It made sense that the next step would be marriage but I had doubts. I knew something was missing but I couldn’t put my finger on it. After a brief (11 months), courtship with my now husband, I couldn’t help but consider what was so different this time around. How is it that I could date one man for years, have doubts. Date another man for 11 months and have zero doubts?
Perhaps you’re like me. You’ve been dating a man for years but deep down in your soul you know there must be something more. Something better. You’re not 100% convinced he’s the one but you’re comfortable. Change seems just to scary to bear. You’re toying with the idea of settling. You’re slowly beginning to accept the idea. You try and comfort yourself, “It’ll get better after marriage.”
I knew what “wrong” felt like. It was marked by uneasiness. In my gut, I knew something was missing. At the time, I just didn’t know what “right” felt like. After meeting my amazing husband, the pieces of the puzzles became extremely clear. I can confidently say, you know when it’s wrong, and you know when it’s right. If you haven’t reached a place of certainty, perhaps you need to pump the brakes. In pumping the brakes, you may discover, just as I did, the missing pieces of the puzzle.
Can I just be honest with you for a second? I started writing this blog post about a month ago. I just couldn’t finish it. I struggled with being vulnerable. With being so transparent. What would y’all think? After all, I’m sharing a lot of my personal business. For the past two days, the Holy Spirit has been prompting me to finish. Honestly, I have no idea why. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s for you. Perhaps you need to know you’re not alone. Perhaps you need the confirmation to let go. Perhaps He’s using me to confirm what He’s already spoken to your heart. Know this, God can be trusted. He’s a good, good Father. He’s leading you along the best pathway for your life.
As I reflect back over my many years of dating, God taught me some very valuable lessons. Naked and exposed. I’m sharing ’em with you… So, is he the one? I can’t answer that. Only God can. What I can offer are thought provoking questions to consider while making the decision. After answering these questions, it may become evident, or it may not. Either way, go to the Father. He’s awaiting your arrival.
4 Questions To Consider:
Does he know God or “know of “Him?
John 2:3, “And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.” To know God is to obey Him. There are many temptations in life. There will always be another woman who’s prettier, smarter, more fit, has bigger hips… If a man truly knows God, He’ll be more inclined to do right by you. He won’t leave you guessing. He won’t play games with your heart. He won’t play disappearing acts. He won’t be here today and gone tomorrow. You won’t be inclined to check his phone. To stalk his social media pages. My dear sisters, you’ll never be able to watch a man 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your presence is limited; however, God is omnipresent. He’s everywhere at the same time. Knowing your potential mate is being held accountable to a higher power brings a level of comfort. I’m not saying this man will be perfect, because He won’t. You and I aren’t either. I’m simply saying, obedience to God doesn’t lead to sin.
Does he pray with you?
James 5:16, “…The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.“ I was 33 years old and had been engaged twice before I ever had a man (outside of deacons or pastors) pray aloud with me. I was in relationships where I was told praying was happening but I never saw it. I won’t say they didn’t do it. I can only attest to what I saw. Anyway, I was on the phone with Chris, who wasn’t my husband at the time, for the very first time. Prior to hanging up the phone from an enlightening conversation, he asked, “Can I pray with you? Is there anything you’d like me to pray about?” Wayment! What? I was taken aback. Like alllllllll the way back! I was totally blindsided on that one. Jesus had jokes that night. Something stumbled out of my mouth like, “Ummmmm, pray that God gives me wisdom for my business.” #offguard When Chris prayed, I observed the ease of the words flowing from his mouth. Prayer wasn’t something he learned to do before he called me that night. He was comfortable. His tone was relaxed. He’d been here, at God’s feet, before. It was comforting to know I could count on him to pray for our family, if there ever was to be one.
Will he wait for you?
Ephesians 5:27, “He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. Sisters, lemme just tell ya! Closing your legs will weed ’em out faster than you can blink your eye! I have an image in my mind of roaches scattering when the lights come on. I’m not saying he’s a roach but he might scadadle. #peaceoout A man who’s willing to deny his flesh to honor you and God, is a very special man. True love, as found in John 3:16, is sacrificial. It requires giving something up. Sacrificing the pleasure of his flesh, may be an indication he desires a future beyond the bed with you. More importantly, he may just be in love with God.
Is God orchestrating the relationship or are you?
“If he calls me back tonight, we’re meant to be together.” We have a tendency to play these juvenile mind games with our lives. You know he’s going to call you back but you skip away erroneously interpreting this as confirmation. I tried to help God in past relationships. I even shacked with a man for 3 years! I believed it was my only option if we were to ever be together. I took matters into my own hands. Fast forward 7 years, I was living in Colorado. Chris lived in Alabama. How in the world was this going to work? I vowed to God I wouldn’t put my pretty, lil hands in it! If Chris was my husband, He would need to be the gentleman and open all the doors for us. If He didn’t, they wouldn’t open. In my eyes, all the doors were nailed shut!! God blew our minds in so many ways! I must share this one story with you; otherwise, we’d be here all day! Soooooooo (smacks lips), a month after Chris and I met, we hopped on a plane to St. Louis and ate lunch at Sweet Pie’s. On our way back home, the same day, there were some delays and the airline was seeking volunteers to give up their seats. We didn’t have anywhere to be so we volunteered. Long story short, we each received a $1000 voucher. Chris and I had both volunteered before but neither of us received that much money! God opened the door for us to see each other, on Him!! We flew to a different city every month until we were married. Chris spent the last of his voucher when he flew to Denver to drive me back to Alabama to be his wife. Ladies, ladies, ladies… If it’s meant to be, it’ll flow. You won’t be required to chase him. In fact, God will send him to chase you!!
I’m not a relationship counselor, nor do I profess to be. I’m simply sharing from my own experiences. It’s my offering to God. It’s my obedience. As I sit here practically terrified (I’m revealing so much of myself). I trust that He will be glorified. I pray this post blesses you in some way. If it does, I’d truly be encouraged if you left me a comment, or emailed me at email@example.com. I would really love to hear from you.
And this tea ain’t caffeine free!,
-Sipping Tea with Tiffany P.
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