“Is marriage different than you thought it would be?” was the question asked in a devotional Chris and I were studying. Pausing for a minute, I reflected upon what I thought versus reality. I answered first. “Yes! The first seven months of our marriage have been much different than I thought.”
I envisioned a two income household, endless shopping, disposable income, and lots of travel. Far from the cooking, cleaning, and piles of laundry awaiting me. I never in a million years envisioned myself being a housewife. I thought being a housewife was an elite status, reserved only for the rich and famous. I was neither of those things.
From a very young age I was taught – Work hard. Take care of yourself. Don’t depend on a man, or anybody else, to take care of you. Now what would people think? Scripture clearly says in Proverbs 29:25, “Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety” but that didn’t stop me from entertaining my thoughts. What would people think of me becoming a housewife? How would I explain forfeiting my six figure salary as an engineer to be a housewife? People would think I was crazy to give up my life to marry a man I barely knew (that’s a story for another day). All of these thoughts were confirmed when I received the following email from a friend/mentor.
Tiffany, don’t give up who you are for your new marriage…if something should not work out, you will be left with nothing. Chris is not giving up who he is for you, why in the world are you giving up who you are for him? What if he divorces you in two years, then what?
And, men respect hard work, intelligence and partnership from their spouses…if you become one dimensional, you risk becoming uninteresting. What is going on with you…I don’t get it? You marry a man that you don’t know, you quit your job, and you move away from all independence, you have no income, do you even know what his legal worth is and who he has assigned it to should anything go wrong?
Yeah, me too! I was at a loss for words too! Needless to say, I was upset. After calming down, I realized she was coming from a good place. Like me, she was taught, work hard and don’t depend on anybody. The thought of surrendering control to someone else is scary; however, that’s what God requires of us. He wants our hearts. He wants our complete trust. He wants to know we really believe He’s a good, good Father. Would I surrender this season of my life to him and trust He knows best? What about you? Is God tugging on your heart to surrender something? It’s easy to believe it’s us making things happen in our lives, but that’s simply not true. God is in control of all things.
For the life of every living thing is in his hand, and the breath of every human being. Job 12:10
We can’t expect others to understand what God is doing in our lives. That’s why it’s so important to have a relationship with God. If you don’t know who you are, someone else is waiting to define it for you. Had I received this email prior to having a real relationship with God, I would’ve frantically started searching for jobs to prove my worth. Not this time Satan! I chose to trust the plan God has for me. We’re often taught, good things come to those who work hard. While that may be true, I also believe better things comes to those who trust God.
Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13